Processing Emotions: Disappointment and Frustration

I did these pieces in Swami Sivasankariananda's Processing Emotions Class at the Sivananda Los Angeles City Center.

This is about the disappointment and frustration of turning 50 although with the racism that is so visible in the world right now.

This is a closeup of the O and how I feel so frustrated and claustrophobic being locked in.

Swamiji thought it was really important that I transform it

This is me thinking of the positive aspects of all the things I have been doing and making and the peace I feel by not being in the chaos of working in film production and having time for my foot and ankle to heal.  Also how the world is healing with less pollution.

This circle shows how I am in community with my husband and not alone.  And how I have had time to work on my project about the moon.

Ganesha Yantra

I started this Ganesha Yantra with Swami Sivasankarianda through Sivananda Los Angeles City Center but had to finish on my own.

I found the colors in Harish Johari's book "Tools for Tantra"

 Started drinking tea and painting trying not to dip my brushes in the tea cup.

I was painting with acrylics that aren't as precise as gouache.  It turned out well.  I am happy to see it completed. I felt uneasy having the lord of overcoming obstacles unfinished in my office.

Processing Emotions: Longing and Disappointment

This painting is about longing and disappointment.  It's about looking for the answers outside of yourself and not being satisfied.  Not seeing your own beauty and truth.  It's not done yet.

I did it in Swami Sivansakariananda's afternoon workshop at the Sivananda Los Angeles City Center's on Processing Emotions

Processing Emotions; Grief

This painting is not done yet.  It's about the sadness I feel from Covid 19 and the death of my aunt Betty.  It's about trying to hold it together with when feels very dark and difficult.

I did it in one of Swami Sivasankarianda's workshop on processing emotions at Sivananda Los Angeles City Center.  I will work on it more.

Processing Emotions: Fear

Swami Sivasankariananda at Sivananda City Center has been leading workshops on Processing Emotions.  I took this workshop recently on Processing Fear


This is the first step of the exercise.  I see myself as thickening with age, old and gray.  My breasts are heavy and my hips are big. I just turned 50 and someone told me "Welcome to Cronedom" and I didn
t know how I felt about that.  My right bottom foot and ankle and red from the pain of the tears in my plantar fascia and peroneus brevis.

Then I was asked to transform the painting.   I decided that I didn't matter about the ankle I have worked through so many injuries.  I wanted to make this painting more beautiful and I brought the masculine energy of the sun to my feminine side and the feminine energy of the moon to my masculine side.  Making myself a beautiful integrated whole.

Flowering Arrows of Kameshvari

- The first flowering arrow in Kameshvari's quiver is Unmada. in Sanskrit, Unmada means frenzy, madness or mental derangement. What desires have you had that have put you in a state of Unmada (often named maddening)?

- Kameshvari's second flowering arrow is Tapana. The word ‘Tapana’ has Sanskrit origin which means ‘illuminating’ or a ‘burning desire’. What desires are/ or have but you in the state of Tapana (often named longing)?

- Kameshvari's third flowering arrow is Shoshana. Shoshana means to dry up, desiccate, wither away, emaciate, absorb or exhaust. What desires have you had or do you have that put you in the state of Shoshana (often named kindling)?

- Kameshvari's fourth flowering arrow is Stambhana. Stambhana, means paralyzing, stiffening, making rigid or immovable. What desires have you or did you have that have put you in the state of Stambhana (often named wasting)?

- Kameshvari's means flowering arrow is Sammohana. Sammohana means stupefying, infatuating, bewitching, and fascinating. What desires do you or have you had that put you in the state of Stambhana (often named enchanting)?

Meditation / Guided Imagery Script - Night, Dawn, Sunrise, Sunset, Moon Rise

Sit comfortably or lie down, with your eyes closed or open with a soft gaze.

Bring the awareness to the breath.

Notice the rise and fall of the breath.

On the inhale the belly rises

On the exhale the belly falls

Inhale the belly rises

Exhale the belly falls

Inhale mentally thinking day

Exhale mentally thinking night

Do this for several breaths

Inhale mentally thinking "ha"

Exhale mentally thinking "tha"

Do this for several breaths

Bring the awareness to the chidakasha, the mind space in front of the closed eyes.


(CONNECTING TO RATRI)

And in this space see the a dark night sky

Experience the darkness.

Absorb the primordial energy.

Connect to the emotions and feelings that arise as you find yourself in the emptiness of night.

Notice the stars filling the heavens.

Watch them shining and twinkling.

Breathe here for a some time under the protection of the canopy of night sky.

Take in the vastness of the universe.

Examine the stars again and notice them fading.


(CONNECTING TO USHAS)

Notice the sky changing from black to dark purple.

Dark purple to indigo

Indigo to blue.

Look mentally to the East.

Become aware of band of rosy pinks and sandy yellows at the horizon.

See the sky transforming from yellow to the orange of fresh mangoes or tangerines.

Experience the explosion of colors that mark the Dawn

Absorb the vibrance of the reds, oranges and yellows.

Take some breaths here in Dawn's early light

See the heavens now as they quickly fade into a gentle blue.



(CONNECTING TO SURYA)

Notice, the head of the sun aggressively emerging out of the warmth of the morning sky

Daylight confidently fills the air

The beams becomes bigger, brighter and bolder.

Illuminating the atmosphere

Now the firmament is divided between yellow on the bottom and blue on the top

Rising and becoming more intense the sun has taken control of the sky

Connect to the dynamism of the sun

Feel activated by the solar light

Take some breaths here being charged by the sun

Notice as the sun travels westward.

See it lowering itself down into a pool of orange light

Now disappearing into a cloud of grayness and blue

Orange stripes mark its departure

An indigo sky pushes down into a cloud of yellow and orange


(CONNECTING TO CHANDRA)

Everything is over taken by blue-blackness

Bring awareness to a bright white ball in the distance

The moon fully formed taking its place in the night sky

Gently rising out of the darkness

The compassionate moon, receptive and responsive

Looking over us a beacon of nourishment

Experience the sweetness as the moonlight caresses you

Take some slow deep breaths here connecting to the moon's meditative power

Bring the awareness back to the chidakasha

The mind space in front of the closed eyes

And let go of this visualization practice

Notice the breath

Inhaling thinking "Tha"

Exhaling thinking "Ha"

Inhaling thinking "Moon"

Exhaling thinking "Sun"

And when you are ready

And there is no need to rush or hurry

Gently Blink the eyes Open



Namaste!
Hari Om Tat Sat.