Thursday, November 3, 2016

Healing is not always about physical curing - Journaling Questions "Healing Into Life and Death" by Stephen Levine

I am presently trying to develop a spiritual guidance and training program at The Yogi Tree and at the beginning of the week I was meeting with Joseph a pastor who will be part of the program and he said healing and curing are not the same thing.  I replied oh yes I have been reading about that for school.

I wished I had had this information when my father was dying of cancer.  I was so mad at the doctors for convincing to be part of these insane trials.  But I do remember before he became to sick he scanned many family photographs and made some peace with his brother. I realize he was healing the wounds of family.

p.3 “If healing was as it seemed, the harmonizing of the disquieted, a balancing of energies to bring about peace where before there had been war, then healing clearly was not limited to the body, or even the visible.” It includes the possibility of quieting even the deepest, unseen wounds-the discomforts which make death seem respite."

My father spent much of his child being passed from family member to family member. Even spent some years in an orphanage.  I know he was deeply wounded.  My mother thought he may have even been raped.

“healing as it seems (is) the integration of the mind and body into the heart. Healing is the growth that each person seeks. . . Healing is discovery. Healing occurs not in the tiny thoughts of who we think we are and what we known but in the vast undefinable spaciousness of being – of what we essentially are-not whom we imagined we shall become.”

He loved putting all the photographs together in files on the computer.  Maybe he was was revisiting his childhood, his family and making peace with it.

“Our work seems to be an encouragement to focus on the moment. To heal into the present and to allow the future to arise naturally out of that opening.  If the moment holds pain, awareness is bought to pain. If the moment holds grief, then grief is the focus. If the moment holds illness, then illness is the teaching to which awareness is directed.”

My father loved science so it was natural that he would do everything in sciences power to be cured.

“There seemed no bodily healing technique that worked for everyone, no one method held in common by all those who seemed healed.”

But, science in my opinion didn't have cures it had large tortures - itching, nausea, hiccuping, exhaustion, diarrhea, loss of appetite, etc.

He would have continued to do more cancer trials but he died.

I remember one of his last statements was

"way too much"

I thought he was referring to us fussing over him so much.  But now I am not sure if it was deeper than that.

p.6 “. . . our path becomes a letting go of that which blocks the path.”

When I went to take Nischala Joy Devi's Cancer Training - Yoga of the Heart this April was mainly because I knew I was in need of healing from the trauma of watching my father die.  I felt the hospital was too aggressive to violent with their treatments.  But now I realize it was my father's life and my father's death it was all up to him.

p.6 “healing is not forcing the sun to shine but letting go of the personal separatism, the self-images, the resistance to change the fear and anger, the confusion that form the opaque armoring around the heart. This process begins with the dissolution of the dense clouds of our forgetfulness and unkindness. It opens the way to reveal the ever-healed within.”

I was not always at peace with my father. I consider him a difficult man and very troubled and troublesome at times. But I did feel loved by him.  And I miss his very much.  I have no question about the integrity of his heart.

“His healing was no less than any of those we have seen who survive in the body. Though his cancer did not desist, his heart became as light as “the feather of truth.” Indeed, the ancient Egyptians beloved that after death the heart was placed on the scales of truth to be balanced against a feather to conclude if the life just passed was lived in healing or forgetfulness.”

For me healing would have been seeing people, meditating and doing yoga, making beautiful dinners, traveling, planting and tending a garden..  But for my father it of course looked different.

P, 162
“Among the first steps of healing is to let go of our definition of what we imagined healing might be.”

My father's cancer was a teaching for him and I teaching for me.  What I can do now is "Take the teaching."

I see myself as a yoga therapist helping others to find their own healing and helping myself to find mine.  My name means guide in Sanskrit, it doesn't mean teacher, guru, leader . . . I want to be a guide. . but to guide people back to their true self, intuition and inner nature.

“By breaking our addiction to automatic action, a desire of the superficial to be healed from outside itself, we enter into the direct participation in our healing from within.”

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