Yin Practice for Transforming Sadness and Depresstion into Courage, Letting Go and Right Action

Long deep holds such as the ones practiced in Yin Yoga  tap into tension in the hips, chest, and back. Stretching these areas slowly and methodically in a focused yoga class prompt emotional releases. Frustration and anger can manifest in spinal tension, heartbreak and depression can linger in the chest, and emotional pain from the past could lie dormant in the hip flexors.  I have developed this classes to explore yoga poses for emotional and physical healing by working through stiffness and blockages in our bodies.

This yin practice for transforming Depression/Sadness is focused on the 3rd and 4th Chakras (the places in the body sadness and depression are stored according to the Yogic System of Ayurveda) as well as the lungs and large intestines (where sadness and Depression are stored according to Traditional Chinese Medicine). The intention is to stimulate and stretch the places that sadness and depression live in our bodies in order that they can either leave the body or transform into courage, letting go and right action.




CHILD'S POSE

Sadness and Depression are found in the 3rd and 4th Chakras. In Traditional Chinese Medicine they are said to live in the lungs and Large Intestines. The Energy of Sadness is: Soft. Cold to the Touch.

As we get into Child's pose we can ask ourselves, "Why is this pose name child's pose?" The Sanskrit name for the pose is “balasana”, which translate to “child” and “pose” respectively. The pose is called Child's pose because you form the shape of a baby in the womb.  The emphasize is the naturally curved spine like a fetus. In this pose you can feel yourself safe as if you were in the womb. The pose addresses the 3rd chakra as it massages the abdominal organs. The full-body, gravitational pull of Balasana offers great physical, mental and emotional relief.  I find this pose a perfect place to begin as we explore sadness.  Is this pose we are completely protected.


REVOLVED CHILD'S POSE aka PARSVA BALASANA

Sadness is related to neurotransmitters in our brain.  It is also related to an absense of dopamine, serotonin and phenylethylamine.


Revolved Child's Pose is one of the least exposed twists.  Here you can twist without exposing the heart.

"In twists you work with the spine and the action of ‘lengthening’ is to create space between the vertebrae. When there's a lack of space our spine tends to slump or get stuck and our energy levels drop. Through twisting we lengthen the spine and get space between the bones. Then our energy can flow better. Twists give us an instant energy lift and decompress the vertebrae in a safe healthy way."
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MELTING HEART POSE aka ANAHATASANA

We usually translate the word Karuna as compassion but it originaly means sadness.  It is the sadness we feel when we need to let go of attachments. It is the most important to have compassion for ourselves.Embracing a sad person with love can work miracles on their mental state.  Also surrounding them with beauty and art.

Anahatasana is a beautiful heart-opening yoga pose that energizes the whole body. The name is derived from the Sanskrit, anahata, which means heart. Anahatasana improves posture, expands the chest, supports heart and lung function and promotes circulation. Melting heart also promotes the "let go" attitude, develops compassion, promotes harmony, elevates the mood and helps to achieve a sense of inner calm. Anahatasana stimulates the anahata chakra. A balanced anahata chakra promotes one's mind to a higher state where selfless love reigns supreme.

FROG/TADPOLE

Sadness is related to the water element.  It is seen in our tears.  The moon influences the water element. The descending moon cycle is related to sadness.  The ascending moon cycle is related to Joy and Excitement

Let's go into a metaphorical water as we practice frog pose."Like a frog, this pose invites deep breathing and expansion of the lungs. Purposeful breath work in this asana helps relieve headaches, stress, and mild depressive symptoms.

In addition, focus on the exhale helps remove toxins in the lungs, decrease the heart rate, and release stress induced anxiety.Mandukasana also stimulates the pancreas which improves secretion of insulin. It has been linked to treatment of constipation, diabetes, and digestive disorders as well as improvement in sciatica for some people because the knee and ankle joints are stretched, and the shoulder and abdomen muscles are strengthened.

It reduces belly fat by firing the core and fueling the inner flame. Lastly, it helps reduce menstrual cramps (fun fact: the uterus is the strongest muscle in the body)."
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BUTTERFLY

There is a practice called Karuna Sadhana.  Mastering  Karuna means changing sadness to compassion.  Most people are so self-absorbed the do not understand that others problems are the same as their own.

The butterfly is the symbol of transformation as it was once a caterpillar that inched and crawled and now has turned into a butterfly that has wings.

DRAGONFLY

Healing Sound of Transformation of Sadness into Courage is:
ssssssssssssssssssss

Close your eyes and put your hands on your rib cage.  Inhale slowly through your nose. Notice in you feel any sadnes, depression, constriction or other physical imbalances in your lungs.  If you do ask them if they have a message dor you.

1. Become aware of your lungs. Take a deep breath and, letting your eyes follow, raise the arms up in front of you. When the hands are at eye level, begin to rotate the palms and bring them up above the head. Keep the elbows rounded. You should feel a stretch that extends from the heels of the palms, along the forearms, over the elbows, along the upper arms and into the shoulders. The lungs and chest will feel open and breathing will be easier. Draw the corners of the mouth back, exhale, making the sound "Ssssssss", sub-vocally, slowly and evenly in one breath.

2. As you exhale, empty all feelings of sadness, sorrow and grief from your lungs.

3. When you have exhaled completely (without straining), rotate the palms down, close the eyes, and breathe in to the lungs to strengthen them. If you are color oriented, imagine a pure white light and quality of righteousness entering into your lungs. Float the arms down by gently lowering the shoulders. Slowly lower them to your lap so that they rest there, palms up. 

4. Close the eyes, breathe normally, smile down to the lungs, be aware of the lungs, and imagine that you are still making the sound. Pay attention to any sensations you may feel. Try to feel the exchange of cool, fresh energy replacing hot, dark waste energy.

5. Repeat the sequence 3 to 6 times. 

 

SPHINX to SEAL

Traditional texts say that Bhujangasana increases body heat, destroys disease, and awakens Kundalini. It also Strengthens the spine, Stretches chest and lungs, shoulders, and abdomen
Firms the buttocks, Stimulates abdominal organs and Helps relieve stress
Traditional times of great sadness can be adolescence and middle age.  Also we can have a mid-life crisis.  We can be very sad after a death of a loved one. Sadness is a natural response to loss.

SHOELACE POSE - COW FACE WITH EAGLE ARMS

Concentrating on Love, Joy and Humur are powerful ways to release and remove sadness


SWAN - Sitting Swan - Sleeping Swan and Swan Twist

The deity of sadness is Varuna the lord of the water. He is the keeper of the laws of dharma and his palace is a Submerged Mountain.

Here’s the Varuna Gayatri:

Aum Jalbimbaye Vvidmahe
Nila Purushaye Dhimahi
Tanno Varunah Prachodayat

Translation:

Om, Let us meditate on the reflection of water
O person of ocean blue, give me higher intellect
And let the God of water illuminate my mind


FISH

Painful emotions tell us what's our of balance.  

Benefits of Fish Pose. Fish Pose stretches the front of the body, particularly the throat, chest, abdomen, hip flexors, and intercostals (the muscles between your ribs). It strengthens the upper back muscles and the back of the neck, which improves spinal flexibility and posture.Stimulates the anahata chakra (heart psychic center). Brings more prana to the neck and shoulders
Mental Benefits are to Helps to regulate emotions and stress

SUPINE BUTTERFLY

Lungs allow oxygen to function.  Large Intenstines receive waste and food materials from stomache and small intestines.
Supta Baddha Konasana opens the whole front of the body: pelvis, belly, chest, and throat. It is especially beneficial for the pelvic organs. In this pose, the legs are supported. The inner groins can soften and the lower belly and pelvic area can soften. This pose calms the nervous system.



BRIDGE

Too much sadness can lead to things like colon cancer, colds flu, skin problems, asthma, ephysema, lung cancer


Helps alleviate stress and mild depression.
Calms the brain and central nervous system.
Stimulates the lungs, thyroid glands, and abdominal organs.
Improves digestion.

SPINAL TWIST

Fall is the Season of the Lung. Fall fruits are wonderful to eat for sadness relieve as well as green leafy vegetables. The element of sadness is metal.

SAVASANA with Yoga Nidra

Essential Nature and Yoga Therapy

Question:
The yoga therapy process opens the student to their essential nature, which is already whole and healed. When students come to you who are suffering from physical or emotional pain, it is sometimes hard for them to believe that there is a part of them that is already complete. Give one concrete example of how you could bring the student into contact with their own inner healing.

The yoga therapy process says we are already whole and healed. Health is our essential nature. But how does that help us when we feel sick and broken. As a yoga therapist we are to stress to the client that they have everything they need to be whole.  This is not an easy process to convince somehow who feels incomplete that they are complete.. I believe it takes time and a lot of effort to shift perceptions and beliefs about one's self.

I have a student who experienced physical abuse from his father during his childhood which included his father burning him with a poker. He also mentions that his father beat up his mother when she was pregnant.  He has low self esteem, anxiety and episodes of great sadness and loneliness.

I taught a 12 week version of Artist's Way which included some Yoga Poses and Pranayama and this student told he experienced a great shift in his life through journaling in the morning and doing the exercises in the Artist's Way.  After about 7 weeks of the course he had an "aha" moment where he told me he was worthy.  He is a writer and he shifted his life through the process of therapeutic writing.

"To work with our thoughts and make them more adaptive and realistic, we first need to know what they are. We can't allow our self-talk to remain background music, affecting us without knowing it.

One of the most useful things you can do to combat stress and anxiety is keep a running record of your thoughts on paper. There's simply no better way to learn about your thought processes than to write them down." - Barbara Markway Ph.D

I always suggest to my students to record their dreams, write morning pages, do stream of consciousness writing and intuitive painting as ways to get in touch with their essential nature.  Being open to the subconscious and unconscious tools I believe is the basis to self-healing.

Yoga Therapy: How to Remain True to the Tradition while being open to creative new ideas?

1. The techniques of yoga therapy come mainly from the yoga tradition, but this tradition is changing and expanding rapidly in the West. How can you as a yoga teacher and therapist remain true to the tradition while still being open to creative new ideas?

I will answer this question in a very personal way.  What brought me to yoga was a bad knee injury that caused me a great amount of pain.  I had knee surgery in 2000.  During the surgery I had a patella release and two meniscii trimmed.  The doctor said the patella release was what would be the hardest to recover from.

And recovery was brutal.  I felt much worse after the surgery than before. I tried lots of healing modalities in my quest to get out of pain: acupuncture, Pilates, herbs, supplements, and hatha yoga. But, it wasn't until I started doing Bikram Yoga in 2004 that I found relief.  I moved away from my Bikram Practice in 2012 and now I find myself moving back toward it again with the discovery of the Ghosh Lineage.

Lineage and tradition are things that I am beginning to really value for myself in Yoga.  I studied Satyananda Yoga Nidra instead if Irest or other systems because I wanted to go back to the source, And when I can, I want to go back to a brown source.  This is me. This is what important to me as a non-white practitioner of Yoga in the West.

I spent a lot of time at Kripalu this spring listening to doctors try to prove or disprove yoga but what spoke most to be was the ancient tradition, the ancient knowledge, not the proof of the knowledge.  My body is my proof of the benefits of yoga.  Dr. Ananda was the perfect blend for me of ancient and modern.  He is a medical doctor but he is a part of a tradition.

The first question is "how to remain true to the tradition. . . "  I think to remain true to the tradition you have to have a tradition.  I am now accepting in myself my tradition is the Ghosh Lineage.  That means my teachers are Paramanhansa Yogananda, Bisnu Ghosh,Swami Kuvalayanda, Francesca Asumah and the reviled Bikram himself.  I have taken his class many times and studied exclusively at his world headquarters for 8 years.  It's who I am it's how I got ease in my suffering.

I don't condone Bikram.  I won't have anything more to do with him or his name.  I. myself, have been raped. I can't be at ease with just saying bad man good yoga.

Another part of being true to the tradition is studying and practicing the tradition. After being at Kripalu I promised myself that I will go to Calcutta some day soon and study at the Ghosh Yoga College and learn more.  And one day I will do 26 x 2  training with someone I believe in like Francesca Asumah.

I also have done some training at Ananda Ashram which I also consider with Self-Realization fellowship to be an important part of the lineage.  I will continue to explore what these organizations have to offer.  I may one day do the correspondence course on meditiation that Parmahansa Yogananda made famous many years ago.

So this is how I remain true to the tradition: I study the tradition, I practice the tradition, and I explore the branches and leaves of the tradition and relate it to myself and what I feel comfortable with and believe in.

How do I remain open to creative new ideas.  I do this by reading, listening and taking workshops inside or outside of yoga.  I listen to my intuition about what I need.   The ideas that are really interesting to right  now are.  I am not sure how much or when I will be able to study everything I am interested in, but, I like listing them and thinking about them.

finishing 800 IYT Training

Lee Albert's - Positional Yoga Therapy

The Gokhale Method

Coherent Breathing - practicing with recording

Yoga Tune Up Balls - taking a one day working in September

Life Force Yoga - will do in November

anything by Nischala Joy Devi

further training on Yoga Nidra at the Himalayan Insitute, Level 2 Yoga Nidra Training and/or Dream Yoga in Tibetan Tradition

Spiritual Counseling Training at Ananda Ashram - taking a 5 day training in October

Ghosh College of India Yoga Therapy Training in Calcutta

Gaia School of Healing and Earth Education - on the waiting list for this years program, guaranteed place for next year's programe

Trauma-Informed Expressive Art Therapy

I am reading Bessel Van Der Kolk and will continue to read and follow up on the things that I was exposed to at Kripalu, the Ancient Yoga Center, Abundant Well being, and Lalita Sanctuary with the 400 plus hours of therapeutic yoga training I did this spring.

Right now, I don't see a contradiction between the tradition and creative new ideas because I see the tradition as creative and new even though it is ancient wisdom.  I guess it's new because it's new for me.  Having so much access to ancient secret and sometimes male only practices is very creative new and I hope I can make these practices my own and use them to help myself and others.

Rumi: A Yoga Therapy Perspective, "Say I Am You"

Here is my answers to another reading assignment for my Integrative Yoga Therapy Internship.  The assignment was to chose an unfamiliar poem by Rumi and explore it.  I love Rumi so this assignment was something I considered a lot of fun no chore at all.

After thumbing through the book, Essential Rumi, looking for a poem to write about I choose this one on p. 275

Say I Am You

I am dust particles in sunlight. 
I am the round sun. 

To the bits of dust I say, Stay. 
To the sun, Keep moving. 

I am morning mist, 
and the breathing of evening. 

I am wind in the top of a grove, 
and surf on the cliff. 

Mast, rudder, helmsman, and keel, 
I am also the coral reef they founder on. 

I am a tree with a trained parrot in its branches. 
Silence, thought, and voice. 

The musical air coming through a flute, 
a spark of stone, a flickering in metal. 

Both candle and the moth crazy around it. 
Rose, and the nightingale lost in the fragrance. 

I am all orders of being, the circling galaxy, 
the evolutionary intelligence, the lift, and the falling away. 

What is, and what isn't. 

You who know, Jelaluddin,
You the one in all, say who I am. 
Say I am you.

- Rumi

Read the poem twice and answer the following
questions:

a) What are your first impressions?

I chose this poem because I liked the rhythm of it and I like the message which I interpreted as we are all one.  I was thinking: I am you and you are me.  We are all the same.  I had the impression that the poem was asking for us to accept things as they are.  I was attracted to the poem because of its references to beautiful moments in nature.  When we see ourselves as part of nature perhaps we are less likely to destroy it.

b) What do you think inspired Rumi to write this poem?

Perhaps Rumi was out in nature in all its glory and came to the realization that we are all connected and we are all a part of nature's beauty.  I think a lot about how the universe inside of us is the same as the universe outside of us.  I once saw the Eames movie "Powers of Ten" that hit this point home to me.

"I do believe we're all connected. I do believe in positive energy. I do believe in the power of prayer. I do believe in putting good out into the world. And I believe in taking care of each other."  
- Harvey Fierstein

Perhaps Rumi was looking for some assurance from nature of his place as a part of this marvelous system.

"Your deepest roots are in nature.  No matter who you are, where you live, or what kind of life you lead, you remain irrevocably linked with the rest of creation." -  Charles Cook

Perhaps Rumi wanted to stress that as humans we aren't the master of nature but in fact a part of nature.

“Man, do not pride yourself on your superiority to the animals, for they are without sin, while you, with all your greatness, you defile the earth wherever you appear and leave an ignoble trail behind you -- and that is true, alas, for almost every one of us!”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Perhaps Rumi was marveling over this beautiful universe created by God and how he is thankful to be apart of it.

"God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say “thank you?” 
– William A. Ward

c) Read the poem again, this time slowly: What happened? What is described? Who is involved? What mood, thoughts, feelings, emotions and/or ideas do you think Rumi was attempting to bring up in the reader? Did he succeed?

I am dust particles in sunlight. 
I am the round sun. 

First two lines Rumi describes himself as both particles of dust illuminated by sunlight and the illuminating sun itself.  He is both microcosm and macrocosm.  He is the dust that we usually try to clean away, He is dust that has escaped the broom and is triumphantly shinning. We don't usually want to see dust or be dust.  But I am the dust is the first statement in the poem.  So Rumi, for me, as saying even things that we consider distasteful are also important to acknowledge and can be beautiful.  Also this seeing ourselves as dust can show how insignificant we are when we compare ourselves to the vastness of the universe. We are as small as dust. We are as dirty as dust. We are as undesirable as dust.  But, conversely, we are very significant because we are the round sun.

 To the bits of dust I say, Stay. 
To the sun, Keep moving.

I interpret these lines in a few ways.  I first interpreted them as be who you are not matter what that is. Accept yourself.  Dust which doesn't move should stay and be dust. The sun that moves can keep moving.

But with further investigation I can also  interpret that Rumi is asking us to acknowledge and be ok with the dirty and undesirable parts of ourselves. He invites us to befriend our undesirable parts and welcome them to stay,  This means a lot to me as a Black and Jewish woman I have often been considered by others and myself dirty and undesirable.  But Rumi speaks to me personally when he says that dust can stay!!

I am morning mist, 
and the breathing of evening. 

Now Rumi has moved more ephemeral aspects of the Self. Both the morning mist and the breath of the evening can't be contained or quantified.  He also describes the whole day from morning to evening in these lines. Declaring that he is the entire day from light to darkness. Meaning he is timeless and therefore we as humans are also all aspects of time. Also I can interpret as he is all colors from white to black.  As a interracial person I can relate to being white as the morning mist and black as the breath of evening.  I have spend my life trying to embrace my differences and put them together as a beautiful sentence that is me.

I am wind in the top of a grove, 
and surf on the cliff. 

Again Rumi defines extremes from the top of the trees to surf hitting against a cliff.  He shows the vastness of what we are as humans.  It also ties us back to nature: the wind, the trees, the water surf, and cliffs.

Both wind and surf can be rough.  Maybe Rumi is saying that we all have our rough parts, our destructive tendencies.  The surf on the cliff erodes the cliff.  But being tough, mean, angry, abrasive perhaps is also part of who we are, all parts of nature have their roughness.

“To run with the wolf was to run in the shadows, the dark ray of life, survival and instinct. A fierceness that was both proud and lonely, a tearing, a howling, a hunger and thirst. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst. A strength that would die fighting, kicking, screaming, that wouldn't stop until the last breath had been wrung from its body. The will to take one's place in the world. To say 'I am here.' To say 'I am.” 
― O.R. Melling

Yesterday, I was angry and I wasn't sure why. I looked in the mirror and I thought "Am I becoming an old mean lady."  I was the surf eroding the cliff.  I was the wind blowing the leaves off the trees.  I was a person angry that the people around me were having fun and I wasn't.  I decide to go to yoga and try to shift my mood

Mast, rudder, helmsman, and keel, 
I am also the coral reef they founder on. 

These lines show the complexity of being human.  Not only are we the parts of the boat but we are also the coral the cuts and sinks the boat. I see this in myself, that I am equally my best friend and my worst enemy.  Many of the obstacles that are in my way are ones that I have put there.  Many things I resent in my life are there because I haven't made any changes.

I am a tree with a trained parrot in its branches. 
Silence, thought, and voice. 

Not only is Rumi the graceful silent tree.  He is also the parrot that makes noise in its branches. Meaning that as humans we are both sound and silence.  We are also the branch and the one who sits on the branch.

It's interesting to me that the parrot is a "trained" parrot.  Why does Rumi need to say that?  It reminds me how sometimes we are all just trained parrots repeating what others have to say.  My first instinct when interpreting this poem was to look on the internet and see what others had to say about it.  But, I decided to suppress that instinct and do my own interpretation.  It's so easy to be a trained parrot.  It's much harder to be a wild one.

And being quiet.  It's so important and yet a struggle with it.  Sometimes feeling it's my duty to fill up the air with talking.  I think the real yogini knows how to shut up.

"Much talking is the cause of danger. Silence is the means of avoiding misfortune. The talkative parrot is shut up in a cage. Other birds, without speech, fly freely about." - Saskya Pandita

The musical air coming through a flute, 
a spark of stone, a flickering in metal.

The vast potential of being human is being able to create brilliant instrument like a flute, as well as, the ability to spark a stone and make fire. Fire is one of the things that distinguishes us from other primates. Flickering in metal may mean that I am also the reflection of the fire that I myself made by hitting the stone.  I am also the fire that is used to mold and create the flute.

I feel close to God when I am making art, creating, using my hands.

Both candle and the moth crazy around it. 
Rose, and the nightingale lost in the fragrance. 

Again Rumi shows the depth of human existence. Not only are we the candle we are also the moth that is mesmerized by the candle, thus, we are mesmerizer and mesmerized.  Another example of this is that we are both the rose that makes the fragrance and the nightingale that is bedazzled by the fragrance.  It's important to me in these lines that the moth is "crazy" around the flame and the nightingale is "lost" in the fragrance.  When we are crazy and lost we have no control of the site, situation or our surroundings, the surroundings are controlling us.

I am often lost and sometimes found.  Circle the flame, confused, not sure what to do.

I am all orders of being, the circling galaxy, 
the evolutionary intelligence, the lift, and the falling away. 

This stanza reaffirms that vastness of the human experience: we are galaxy and evolutionary intelligence.  Also as humans we are the lift up and the falling down. Perhaps Rumi is also pointing to the ups and downs that we experience in life. I feel like I have falling down so many times and then eventually I brush myself off and get up.

What is, and what isn't. 

As humans, As Rumi, as Nya we are everything that is and isn't.  We can define ourselves equally by what we are and we are not.  I am female/I am not male.

You who know, Jelaluddin,
You the one in all, say who I am. 
Say I am you.

Then he uses his first name which implies to me, you who know me intimately enough to call me by my first name.   You who are important to me.  You who are my one and all.  Tell me that I am you which for me means we are the same.

Equally, this feels like he could be looking in the mirror and saying to himself.  You know who you are.  I am the one who looks at myself in the mirror.

d)Is your final conclusion different from your first impression? If so, how?

When I break this poem down I realize it is so much more elaborate and detailed than I had seen upon the first two readings.  It reminds me right now of our world full of dualities: Republican and Democrat, Black and White, Christian and Muslim, Rumi asks us to see the other as ourselves.  This is revolutionary.  This is something that seems way too difficult for the human race.  To me this is a revolutionary statement.

I wish the cop see himself as the perpetrator and perpetrator as the cop.   The white man as the black man and the black man as white man.  If we saw each other as ourselves I believe there wouldn't be so much violence in the world. For me, the path to enlightenment surely is down this road of "Saying I Am You."

Siddhartha: A Yoga Therapy Perspective, Quotes on Listening

Listening is the essence of yoga therapy. Siddhartha contains many beautiful excerpts on the art of listening. Note and mark sections related to listening as you read the book. 


from the Chapter: With the Samanas

a) Everywhere where the rumour of Buddha was heard, everywhere in the lands of India, the young men listened up, felt a longing, felt hope, and among the Brahmans' sons of the towns and villages every pilgrim and stranger was welcome. . .

b)  I have grown distrustful and tired against teachings and learning, and that my faith in words, which are brought to us by teachers, is small. But let's do it, my dear, I am willing to listen to these teachings — though in my heart I believe that we've already tasted the best fruit of these teachings." brought news of him, the exalted one, the Sakyamuni.

c) "Oh Siddhartha," Govinda spoke one day to his friend. "Today, I was in the village, and a Brahman invited me into his house, and in his house, there was the son of a Brahman from Magadha, who has seen the Buddha with his own eyes and has heard him teach. Verily, this made my chest ache when I breathed, and thought to myself: If only I would too, if only we both would too, Siddhartha and me, live to see the hour when we will hear the teachings from the mouth of this perfected man! Speak, friend, wouldn't we want to go there too and listen to the teachings from the Buddha's mouth?"


from the Chapter: Gotama

d) Delightedly, Govinda listened and wanted to ask and hear much more. But Siddhartha urged him to walk on.

from the Chapter: Awakening

e) Slowly walking along, Siddhartha pondered.  He realized that he was no youth any more, but had turned into a man.  He realized that one thing had left him, as a snake is left by its old skin, that one thing no longer existed in him, which had accompanied him throughout his youth and used to be a part of him: the wish to have teachers and to listen to teachings.  He had also left the last teacher who had appeared on his path, even him, the highest and wisest teacher, the most holy one,
Buddha, he had left him, had to part with him, was not able to accept his teachings.

Chapter: With the Child People

f) He soon saw that Siddhartha knew little about rice and wool,shipping and trade, but that he acted in a fortunate manner, and that Siddhartha surpassed him, the merchant, in calmness and equanimity, and in the art of listening and deeply understanding previously unknown people.  "This Brahman," he said to a friend, "is no proper merchant and will never be one, there is never any passion in his soul when he conducts our business.  But he has that mysterious quality of those people to whom success comes all by itself, whether this may be a good star of his birth, magic, or something he has learned among Samanas.He always seems to be merely playing with out business-affairs, they
never fully become a part of him, they never rule over him, he is never afraid of failure, he is never upset by a loss."

g) When Kamaswami came to him, to complain about his worries or to reproach him concerning his
business, he listened curiously and happily, was puzzled by him, tried to understand him, consented that he was a little bit right, only as much as he considered indispensable, and turned away from him, towards the next person who would ask for him.  And there were many who came to him, many to do business with him, many to cheat him, many to draw some secret out of him, many to appeal to his sympathy, many to get his advice.  He gave advice, he pitied, he made gifts, he let them cheat him
a bit, and this entire game and the passion with which all people played this game occupied his thoughts just as much as the gods and Brahmans used to occupy them.

h) Most people, Kamala, are like a falling leaf, which is blown and is turning around through the
air, and wavers, and tumbles to the ground.  But others, a few, are like stars, they go on a fixed course, no wind reaches them, in themselves they have their law and their course.  Among all the learned men and Samanas, of which I knew many, there was one of this kind, a perfected one, I'll never be able to forget him.  It is that Gotama, the exalted one, who is spreading that teachings.  Thousands of followers are listening to his teachings every day, follow his instructions every hour, but they are all falling leaves, not in themselves they have teachings and a law."


Chapter: Sansara

i) That high, bright state of being awake, which he had experienced that one time at the height of his youth, in those days after Gotama's sermon, after the separation from Govinda, that tense expectation, that proud state of standing alone without teachings and without teachers, that supple willingness to listen to the divine voice in his own heart, had slowly become a memory, had been fleeting; distant and quiet, the holy source murmured, which used to be near, which used to murmur within
himself.

from the Chapter: By the River

j) Thus he praised himself, found joy in himself, listened curiously to his stomach, which was rumbling with hunger.  He had now, so he felt, in these recent times and days, completely tasted and spit out, devoured up to the point of desperation and death, a piece of suffering, a piece of
misery.  Like this, it was good.  For much longer, he could have stayed with Kamaswami, made money, wasted money, filled his stomach, and let his soul die of thirst; for much longer he could have lived in this soft, well upholstered hell, if this had not happened: the moment of complete hopelessness and despair, that most extreme moment, when he hang over the rushing waters and was ready to destroy himself.  That he had felt this despair, this deep disgust, and that he had not succumbed to it, that the bird, the joyful source and voice in him was still alive after all, this was why he felt joy, this was why he laughed, this was why his face was smiling brightly under his hair which had turned gray.

k) For a long time, he pondered his transformation, listened to the bird, as it sang for joy.  Had not this bird died in him, had he not felt its death?  No, something else from within him had died, something which already for a long time had yearned to die.  Was it not this what he

used to intend to kill in his ardent years as a penitent?  Was this not his self, his small, frightened, and proud self, he had wrestled with for so many years, which had defeated him again and again, which was back again after every killing, prohibited joy, felt fear?  Was it not this, which today had finally come to its death, here in the forest, by this lovely river?  Was it not due to this death, that he was now like a child, so full of trust, so without fear, so full of joy?

l) He thought these thoughts, listened with a smile to his stomach,listened gratefully to a buzzing bee.  Cheerfully, he looked into the rushing river, never before he had like a water so well as this one,

never before he had perceived the voice and the parable of the moving water thus strongly and beautifully.  It seemed to him, as if the river had something special to tell him, something he did not know yet, which was still awaiting him.  In this river, Siddhartha had intended to drown himself, in it the old, tired, desperate Siddhartha had drowned today.  But the new Siddhartha felt a deep love for this rushing water, and decided for himself, not to leave it very soon.

from the Chapter: The Ferryman

m) Tenderly, he looked into the rushing water, into the transparent green, into the crystal lines of its drawing, so rich in secrets.  Bright pearls he saw rising from the deep, quiet bubbles of air floating on

the reflecting surface, the blue of the sky being depicted in it.  With a thousand eyes, the river looked at him, with green ones, with white ones, with crystal ones, with sky-blue ones.  How did he love this

water, how did it delight him, how grateful was he to it!  In his heart he heard the voice talking, which was newly awaking, and it told him: Love this water!  Stay near it!  Learn from it!  Oh yes, he wanted to learn from it, he wanted to listen to it.  He who would understand this water and its secrets, so it seemed to him, would also understand many other things, many secrets, all secrets.

n) Siddhartha rose, the workings of hunger in his body became unbearable. In a daze he walked on, up the path by the bank, upriver, listened to the current, listened to the rumbling hunger in his body.

o) Vasudeva listened with great attention.  Listening carefully, he let everything enter his mind, birthplace and childhood, all that learning, all that searching, all joy, all distress.  This was among the

ferryman's virtues one of the greatest:  like only a few, he knew how to listen.  Without him having spoken a word, the speaker sensed how Vasudeva let his words enter his mind, quiet, open, waiting, how he did not lose a single one, awaited not a single one with impatience,

did not add his praise or rebuke, was just listening.  Siddhartha felt, what a happy fortune it is, to confess to such a listener, to bury in his heart his own life, his own search, his own suffering.

p) Vasudeva rose.  "It is late," he said, "let's go to sleep.  I can't tell you that other thing, oh friend.  You'll learn it, or perhaps you know it already.  See, I'm no learned man, I have no special skill in

speaking, I also have no special skill in thinking.  All I'm able to do is to listen and to be godly, I have learned nothing else.  If I was able to say and teach it, I might be a wise man, but like this I am only

a ferryman, and it is my task to ferry people across the river.  I have transported many, thousands; and to all of them, my river has been nothing but an obstacle on their travels.  They travelled to seek money and business, and for weddings, and on pilgrimages, and the river was obstructing their path, and the ferryman's job was to get them quickly across that obstacle.  But for some among thousands, a few, four or five, the river has stopped being an obstacle, they have heard its voice, they have listened to it, and the river has become sacred to them, as it has become sacred to me.  Let's rest now, Siddhartha.

q) But more than Vasudeva could teach him, he was taught by the river.  Incessantly, he learned from it.  Most of all, he learned from it to listen, to pay close attention with a quiet heart, with a waiting, opened soul, without passion, without a wish, without judgement, without an opinion.

r)And time after time, his smile became more similar to the ferryman's, became almost just as bright, almost just as throughly glowing with bliss, just as shining out of thousand small wrinkles, just as alike to a child's, just as alike to an old man's.  Many travellers, seeing the two ferrymen, thought they were brothers.  Often, they sat in the evening together by the bank on the log, said nothing and both listened to the water, which was no water to them, but the voice of life, the voice of what exists, of what is eternally taking shape.  And it happened from time to time that both, when listening to the river, thought of the same things, of a conversation from the day before yesterday, of one of their travellers, the face and fate of whom had occupied their thoughts, of death, of their childhood, and that they both in the same moment, when the river had been saying something good to them, looked at each other, both thinking precisely the same thing, both delighted about the same answer to the same question.

s) When he rose, Vasudeva had prepared rice for him.  But Siddhartha did not eat.  In the stable, where their goat stood, the two old men prepared beds of straw for themselves, and Vasudeva lay himself down to sleep.  But Siddhartha went outside and sat this night before the hut, listening to the river, surrounded by the past, touched and encircled by all times of his life at the same time.  But occasionally, he rose, stepped to the door of the hut and listened, whether the boy was sleeping.

from the Chapter: The Son

t)  Timid and weeping, the boy had attended his mother's funeral; gloomy and shy, he had listened to Siddhartha, who greeted him as his son and welcomed him at his place in Vasudeva's hut.  Pale, he sat for many days by the hill of the dead, did not want to eat, gave no open look, did not open his heart, met his fate with resistance and denial.

u)That  young bird is accustomed to a different life, to a different nest.  He has not, like you, ran away from riches and the city, being disgusted and fed up with it; against his will, he had to leave all this behind. I asked the river, oh friend, many times I have asked it.  But the river laughs, it laughs at me, it laughs at you and me, and is shaking with laughter at out foolishness.  Water wants to join water, youth wants to join youth, your son is not in the place where he can prosper.  You too should ask the river; you too should listen to it!"

v) "Get the brushwood for yourself!" he shouted foaming at the mouth, "I'm not your servant.  I do know, that you won't hit me, you don't dare; I do know, that you constantly want to punish me and put me down with your religious devotion and your indulgence.  You want me to become like

you, just as devout, just as soft, just as wise!  But I, listen up, just to make you suffer, I rather want to become a highway-robber and murderer, and go to hell, than to become like you!  I hate you, you're

not my father, and if you've ten times been my mother's fornicator!"

w) For a long time, he stood there, pondering, seeing images, listening to the story of his life.  For a long time, he stood there, looked at the monks, saw young Siddhartha in their place, saw young Kamala walking among the high trees.  Clearly, he saw himself being served food and

drink by Kamala, receiving his first kiss from her, looking proudly and disdainfully back on his Brahmanism, beginning proudly and full of desire his worldly life.  He saw Kamaswami, saw the servants, the orgies, the gamblers with the dice, the musicians, saw Kamala's song-bird in the cage, lived through all this once again, breathed Sansara, was once again old and tired, felt once again disgust, felt once again the wish to annihilate himself, was once again healed by the holy Om.

x)That this wound did not blossom yet, did not shine yet, at this hour, made him sad.  Instead of the desired goal, which had drawn him here following the runaway son, there was now emptiness.  Sadly, he sat down, felt something dying in his heart, experienced emptiness, saw no joy any

more, no goal.  He sat lost in thought and waited.  This he had learned by the river, this one thing: waiting, having patience, listening attentively.  And he sat and listened, in the dust of the road, listened  to his heart, beating tiredly and sadly, waited for a voice.  Many an

hour he crouched, listening, saw no images any more, fell into emptiness, let himself fall, without seeing a path.  And when he felt the wound burning, he silently spoke the Om, filled himself with Om. The monks in the garden saw him, and since he crouched for many hours, and dust was gathering on his gray hair, one of them came to him and placed two bananas in front of him.  The old man did not see him.

from the Chapter: OM

y) Alas, the wound was not blossoming yet, his heart was still fighting his fate, cheerfulness and victory were not yet shining from his suffering. Nevertheless, he felt hope, and once he had returned to the hut, he felt an undefeatable desire to open up to Vasudeva, to show him everything, the master of listening, to say everything.

z)While he spoke, spoke for a long time, while Vasudeva was listening with a quiet face, Vasudeva's listening gave Siddhartha a stronger sensation than ever before, he sensed how his pain, his fears flowed over to him, how his secret hope flowed over, came back at him from his counterpart.  To show his wound to this listener was the same as bathing it in the river, until it had cooled and become one with the river.  While he was still speaking, still admitting and confessing, Siddhartha felt more and more that this was no longer Vasudeva, no longer a human being, who was listening to him, that this motionless listener was absorbing his confession into himself like a tree the rain,

that this motionless man was the river itself, that he was God himself, that he was the eternal itself

aa) When he had finished talking, Vasudeva turned his friendly eyes, which had grown slightly weak, at him, said nothing, let his silent love and cheerfulness, understanding and knowledge, shine at him.  He took Siddhartha's hand, led him to the seat by the bank, sat down with him, smiled at the river.

"You've heard it laugh," he said.  "But you haven't heard everything. Let's listen, you'll hear more."

They listened.  Softly sounded the river, singing in many voices. Siddhartha looked into the water, and images appeared to him in the moving water: his father appeared, lonely, mourning for his son; he himself appeared, lonely, he also being tied with the bondage of yearning to his distant son; his son appeared, lonely as well, the boy, greedily rushing along the burning course of his young wishes, each one heading for his goal, each one obsessed by the goal, each one suffering.  The river sang with a voice of suffering, longingly it sang, longingly, it flowed towards its goal, lamentingly its voice sang.

"Do you hear?" Vasudeva's mute gaze asked.  Siddhartha nodded.

"Listen better!" Vasudeva whispered.

Siddhartha made an effort to listen better.  The image of his father, his own image, the image of his son merged, Kamala's image also appeared and was dispersed, and the image of Govinda, and other images, and they merged with each other, turned all into the river, headed all, being the river, for the goal, longing, desiring, suffering, and the river's voice sounded full of yearning, full of burning woe, full of unsatisfiable desire.  For the goal, the river was heading, Siddhartha saw it hurrying, the river, which consisted of him and his loved ones and of all people, he had ever seen, all of these waves and waters were hurrying, suffering, towards goals, many goals, the waterfall, the lake, the rapids, the sea, and all goals were reached, and every goal was followed by a new one, and the water turned into vapour and rose to the sky, turned into rain and poured down from the sky, turned into a source, a stream, a river, headed forward once again, flowed on once again.  But the longing voice had changed.  It still resounded, full of suffering, searching, but other voices joined it, voices of joy and of suffering, good and bad voices, laughing and sad ones, a hundred voices, a thousand voices.

Siddhartha listened.  He was now nothing but a listener, completely concentrated on listening, completely empty, he felt, that he had now finished learning to listen.  Often before, he had heard all this, these many voices in the river, today it sounded new.  Already, he could no longer tell the many voices apart, not the happy ones from the weeping ones, not the ones of children from those of men, they all belonged together, the lamentation of yearning and the laughter of the knowledgeable one, the scream of rage and the moaning of the dying ones, everything was one, everything was intertwined and connected, entangled a thousand times.  And everything together, all voices, all goals, all yearning, all suffering, all pleasure, all that was good and evil, all of this together was the world.  All of it together was the flow of events, was the music of life.  And when Siddhartha was listening

attentively to this river, this song of a thousand voices, when he neither listened to the suffering nor the laughter, when he did not tie his soul to any particular voice and submerged his self into it, but

when he heard them all, perceived the whole, the oneness, then the great song of the thousand voices consisted of a single word, which was Om: the perfection.

"Do you hear," Vasudeva's gaze asked again.

Brightly, Vasudeva's smile was shining, floating radiantly over all the wrinkles of his old face, as the Om was floating in the air over all the voices of the river.  Brightly his smile was shining, when he looked at his friend, and brightly the same smile was now starting to shine on Siddhartha's face as well.  His wound blossomed, his suffering was shining, his self had flown into the oneness.

from the Chapter: Govinda

bb) "Listen well, my dear, listen well!  The sinner, which I am and which you are, is a sinner, but in times to come he will be Brahma again, he will reach the Nirvana, will be Buddha--and now see: these 'times to come' are a deception, are only a parable!