Trying to Get My Art Life Together

I have been listening to these self help disc series called - Your Wish is Your Command.   I was really skeptical about the discs in the beginning but they are quite helpful.  I haven't been that productive lately and I have had a real malaise.  I give all my energy to my Set Decorator life.  I give all my energy to crappy TV shows and Telenovellas, low budget movies and TV movies and in the meantime I never get my graphic novel done and a never get as good at drawing and painting as I want.

I take classes at night which I go to exhausted from a 15 hour or more work day.  I am tired all night at class and when I finally get a second wind I get home and can't fall asleep.  It seems like such a diasterous way to live but it is how I have been living for a long time.

It surely isn't working for me but what I am going to do about it??  How am I going to change.  When will I follow my Bliss and give up decorating or atleast take a break from it and give my art a chance?

Will I ever do that or will I die not realizing any of my creative dreams with a least of crappy movies and TV shows under my name when you look me up on IMDB.

I need a mentor.  I need a guide to show me how to get out of this one world and into another.

I am sick of being wonderwoman running from work to class and always being exhausted.  I want to be creative and full of energy and life.  I don't want to be always asleep on the couch exhausted because I have tried to do much but not accomplished anything.

I have to get off the plantation of low budget filmmaking and start realizing my own artistic goals.  I have to give myself a chance.

The disc series Your Wish is Your Command - talks about your teachability index: your willingness to learn vs. Your willingness to Change.  What are you willing to give up in order to accomplish want you want. I have to ask myself I am willing to stop watching Laker Games in order to learn how to draw? Am I willing to give up making so much money so I can concentrate on being an artist?  I can't firmly say yes yet.  I am getting closer but I can't really give myself and emphatic yes.  But I am going to work on getting my teachability index up.  In my heart I know I will never be happy unless I devote myself to my art fulltime.  Now I have to decide if I want to be happy or if I get some kind of payoff from suffering.